I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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