i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
