In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
