normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
