stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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