so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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