Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
