i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
