I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
