yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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