why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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