pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dear god my vagina.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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