someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We need to get me chipped asap
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
