Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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