I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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