I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
