how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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