I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
