im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
