This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
