i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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