my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
