My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
two words...techno handjob
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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