hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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