I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
