The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
