You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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