Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
