just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
