This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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