you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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