so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
