i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
