His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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