She is in my trunk
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
