Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
