My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
