swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
