OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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