iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
