I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
