My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
