people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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