chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
