he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
