is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
