i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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