I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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