i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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