I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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