Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
