How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
