her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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