Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Enjoy the penises
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
