I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
