but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
