Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
